Better To Have Loved and Lost
by BossaNovaBaby24
Summary: Laura is in lifestation on her deathbed, and Bill visits her. Angst Alert. Adama/Roslin


**Authors Note**

**Its time for a bit of angst I think. Just to balance my stories out. Someone said today, "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." How true does this ring to an angsty Roslin/Adama piece?**

**Enjoy (well not too much or else it's sadistic!)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.**

Her vision was blurry. Not long left now, she thought, blinking to try and clear her eyes. It worked, but barely. She had been there for days. Days on end, lying in the bed, watching people rush past.

_Strange, _she thought amused; _I used to be one of those people. _Every little thing seemed so insignificant now. Time ticked by slowly, delaying the inevitable. The Life Station around her was buzzing with noise, but she seemed to not hear it. She was encompassed in her own world, where she was alive and well, laughing and talking to her aide, sitting beside Bill, drinking Ambrosia-

"Bill," Her voice cracked. Every nerve was on fire inside her, and the pain was overwhelming. It was close to the end, she decided bitterly, her teeth clenched. The pain slowly went away, but Laura didn't care. It'd be back soon, she knew.

The last amount of pain left her on the edge. Dipping in and out of consciousness, she seemed not to notice as a hand gripped her own. Laura turned her head into her pillow, and noticed a dark shape looming next to her. Fear gripped her. Her immediate thought was that death was coming sooner than she thought. Relief washed through her however, as a familiar voice rang out.

"Laura," Bill said softly, his hand gripping tighter. He came as soon as Cottle had rung. The conversation between them was short, but filled with emotion.

"_Adama."_

"_Admiral? It's nearly time."_

He rushed over as fast as he could, barging people out of the way as he made it to the Life Station. No officer he knocked down minded in the least though, knowing where he was heading and why.

"Bill?" Her voice was faint, but he heard relief in her tone. Slowly, she moved her hand so it settled on his wrist. He encased her own hand in both of his, and rubbed it subconsciously, as if trying to give her some of his own energy.

It took a lot of effort, but Laura smiled. She was exhausted, and in great pain. He knew that it was taking her great effort just to keep her eyes open, and his heart leapt in his throat.

"Laura, please hold on." It was an order, and Laura started to laugh, amused that he was still trying to give her orders.

"I ….." A coughing fit interrupted her, and she gasped for air. After a few moments, she deemed it safe to carry on her sentence, "I can't …."

Bill felt tears sting his eyes, but he held them back. He wanted to be strong. He couldn't break, not now, not when she needed his strength. Instead he leaned over her, and slowly kissed her forehead. It was on fire underneath his lips, and he slowly lifted off, stroking her face with his hand.

"Bill … I want to tell you … I need to tell you-"

Bill cut her off as he slowly brushed his lips against her own. It was a kiss filled with sorrow and regret, and this caused a tear to slip down Laura's cheek.

"You remember New Caprica, Bill?" She asked faintly, all her effort put into keeping his intense gaze. She was dying, yes, but she still had power and poise, and wanted to prove that until the very end.

"Yes," He softly replied, once again gripping her hand in his own.

"That night … when we were…" She stopped, waiting for the excruciating pain to slowly go away, "when we were under the stars …. I knew …. but being in such positions of power, we couldn't ….."

He cut her off, whispering;

"I love you Laura."

She seemed to smile faintly, and Bill saw how her face lit up. She looked almost healthy. However, her smile turned into a grimace again, and she gasped. He was giving her support, squeezing her hand reassuringly and after a few moments, her thin frame settled down again.

"I love you too Bill." The reply was so faint that he was unsure whether she had actually said it, but her eyes showed that she did. He saw a range of emotions in her gaze. Love, affection, and regret. He felt a stabbing pain in his heart when he saw tears once again make a track down her face.

He slowly leaned over and brushed them away. Laura was grateful. She didn't want the tears to linger, showing her weakness. He knew her too well.

_If only we had a little more time, _She thought bitterly, watching his face as he tried not to cry, _but that is one thing I don't have. Not now. _

As if reading her thoughts, Bill gripped her hand tightly, and smiled slowly. The corners of her mouth lifted in return, before she closed her eyes. Laura's chest rose and fell slowly, but he knew that soon it would stop moving. This thought caused him to shed tears. It was safe now her eyes were closed, he could show his pain.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost …." He spoke, his head hanging in defeat.

"Than never to have loved at all." Her voice was faint, and far away, as if detached from her body. With that her breathing started to slow. Bill lifted his head and kissed her on the lips once more. Death was imminent, and he finally realised the extent of it. He would never see her eyes open again. He'd never see her laugh, flirt, scold him, pace around his quarters barefoot, or break a pencil … it was the end.

Bill wished he had taken her in his arms that day she was rescued from New Caprica. He wished he could've been there to build a cabin with her. But most of all, Bill wished that he had admitted his love sooner, instead of hiding behind his title and building a wall between them.

He was a desperate man at that point, and he took desperate measures. He bowed his head, blinking back more tears, and prayed. He prayed until there were no Gods left to pray to. He prayed until he could no longer stand it. He placed his head on the side her bed and fell asleep, his hand still entwined in hers.


End file.
